Yaya's Diary - 23rd October 2008

Nairobi – 7/10
The end is what we journey towards, but it’s the journey that matters in the end.
Gather the grop at Hotel Bouleverd. Pick up previous group from the supermarket, oh, except Kim & Lance. Arrive at David Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage, another one down, Jase returns to find Maria. Little elephant orphans running down the hill in blankets. Trumpeting, playing in the dust. Lucnh at Indaba campsite in Karen. Pre-departure meeting, Jase gets his period and congratulates everyone for booking the trip. New group subjected to full on Swahili introduction from the old group. Overfill truck to restaurant for farewell/welcome meal. Back to Rubber Arm. Jase gets naked doing Springboks. Nic’s bag arrives at 3am by special service.

Nakuru (1) – 8/10
First drive in Oscar el Toro out of Nairobi, up and over the Rift Valley. Loo with a view. Jobs allocated, Robin asks for the “old git” job but gets “old git can still do back locker”. Chicken & chips at Gilani’s in Nakuru. Arrive at the lovely Kembu (Chameleon) campsite. Dogs of all shapes and sizes. Enthusiasm lacking for the knitting lesson and farm tour. A few go, Daniela suckles baby calves. Horses and foals race past. Relax at camp. Rain pours down. Walk to Patrick the cook’s house, huge tent made of fertiliser bags. Meet the family, eat huge local feast. Sing & dance on mud dance floor African music videos on TV. Mzungu rendition of Swing Low and If You’re Happy. Slide back to camp through mud.

Nakuru (2) – 9/10
6am Matatu safari into Lake Nakuru National Park. Philip reunited with an excitable Antelope Society. flamingoes, black & white rhino, Baboon Point, well disguised leopard. National Geographic Photography. Jess confiscates Heath’s camera. Back at camp, rain pours down again, consider leaving Jess, Heath and their rain behind. Warming soup and sweet & sour chicken supper. Itinerary for Oscar the Fruck given out. Helen beats Rupert at table tennis, he cuts his foot. Rupert beats Helen at table tennis, she twists her ankle, prescribed medicinal shots. Evening by log fire and playing Kings & Assholes.

Naivasha – 10/10
Leisurely breakfast. Onto Saidia Children’s Home in Gil Gil. Smiling faces, holding hands, playing games, dangling bunny rabbits “for the pot” by the ears. Maria makes a small orphan cry by taking away her camera. Little babies with big eyes and wet bottoms. Tearful goodbyes. Short drive onto Elsamere, home of Joy & George Adamson and the Born Free Foundation, a picturesque setting on the edge of Lake Naivasha. Informative video on Joy’s past husbands, more eyes closed than open, a not to be missed opportunity for a good nap. High tea on the lawn, flapjacks, chocolate cake, zucchini quiche, biscuits & more cakes. Onto Fisherman’s Camp, protected from hippos by a small electric fence which would barely penetrate a hippo’s inches thick hide. Charades on the tree stump stage. Jase manages to to When Harry met Sally without doing the obvious. More games in the bar, bunny rabbits, the water game & Karma. Tom suddenly allergic to water. Steph walks into a tree stump and sustains another bruise.

Nairobi – 11/10
Early start for most. Helen has a “hangover”. Boat trip across Lake Naivasha to island for walking safari. Hippos, giraffes, zebra, dung beetle rolling dung, eland, impala, fish eagles feeding, thomson’s gazelle, egret, uphill walk in the hot sun. Boiled egg & pasta lunch. Back to Nairobi, up and over the Rift Valley. Shop stop in Karen. Pool playing, book reading. Helen & Robin matatu back to loud African music. Fish & chip supper. Rupert Samaki Ha’d by Denford, scrubbing all the potatoes before being told to peel them. Bad plate flapping resulting in cracking, Rupert & Diarmuid injured by flying shards.

Karatu – 12/10
Long drive day. Border into Tanzania, shock for Diarmuid who has to pay $100 for being Irish, and also as a forfeit for packing his passport into the back locker. Gestation period of animals test. Diarmuid pours beer all over himself, followed by Lance and then Rupert – the asshole. Quick stop in Arusha. Jess & Heath bring much needed and for once appreciated rain to the area, the first they’d seen for months. Pitch tents at Kudu Camp. Tom Turner from Shipwrecked spotted by excited girls. Truck party in refuge from the rain. Amazing roast beef supper, perfectly cooked. Gentleman’s Club saved by Johnnie, Whisky, Amarula, red wine and Bond 7.

Serengeti (1) - 13/10
The Road is Singing & We Are Dancing
Jess’s Birthday. Birthday banners on the truck. Breakfast and packed lunch... again. Fleet of jeeps arrive. Pack up and set off up the misty hills through Ngorongoro Conservation Area. One tusk elephant. Ngorongoro viewpoint, Tom bears his bottom for the paparazzi. The AGEd jeep breaks down at the birthplace of human kind – Olduvai Gorge, quick roadside fix. Tom gets his ass out again. Male lions lounging on the rock. 3 jeeps fined for going offroad. 3 cheetahs, another lion and a couple of leopards stuck in a tree. Set up tents at Tumbili (monkey) camp. Denford cooks on coals. Drinks at Seronera Lodge, disappointingly un-luxurious loos. Continue trip tradition of leaving someone behind, Daniela this time. Amazing chicken curry supper and poppadums. Jess receives a lifetime’s supply of Dorito’s and some mouth burning sour lollipops. Lance makes Kim sleep with no flysheet so he can see the animals and promptly falls asleep whilst she lies awake in terror.

Serengeti (2) – 14/10
No Worries, No Hurry, No Chicken Curry - Denford
Turner’s up early for ballooning. 6am game drive, sunrise over the plains. Vultures sleeping in trees, laughing hyena family, jumping gazelles, giraffes, zebra, wildebeest, cheetah feasting on freshly killed gazelle. Back for pancake breakfast. Denford is a wizard. More game driving, a late breakfast but still the packed lunches are eaten by 11am. A “shit load” of hippos farting in a pool. Menacing crocodiles. Video at visitor’s centre, bunny rabbit being murdered by cheetahs. Heart wrenching story of 2 young wildebeest lost from their mums. Boys giggle at soft porn soundtrack. Mongoose & hyraxes, rock kopjes. Seronera Lodge for sunset overlooking the Serengeti. Doctors called up on once again to assess another patient sporting a cankle. Back to Tumbili campsite to find Glastonbury has arrived. Corner to corner tents, car park full of jeeps. Denford defends his cooking pots. Helen becomes Yaya to the masses. Marshmallows by the fire, ring around the moon. Steph proposed to by drivers thanks to a set up by Helen & Maria. Tent re-arranging and then bed.

Karatu – 15/10
Say No To Corruption
Sunrise breakfast & head out of the Serengeti. Delays & much money changing hands at the gate. No Hurry in Africa, Hakuna Matata. Eventually on our way. One jeep diverts to pay homage to the birth of humankind at Oldupai Gorge. Even Sam describes is as “mind boggling”. Emma & Kim pose with extinct antelope horns. Donkeys herding cattle. Into Ngorongoro Crater. Menacing vultures feeding on fresh zebra kill. Hot sun in giant crater. Return to Ngorongoro Camp, hot showers, log fire, JCTV, ugali & beef stew dinner eaten with hands. African music, dancing & acrobatics. Diarmuid finds his inner Masai.

Arusha – 16/10
Leisurely start at last. Fried potatoes and ketchup. Reunion with Jase & Oscar – with music. Short drive to Meserani Snake Park. Shop stop in Arusha, lose some chicken on the way back. Set up camp & lunch. Tour around the Snake Park. Girls put the boys to shame, Rupert eventually holds the harmless grass snake. Crocs, birds, mambas, vipers & boomslangers. Dress up for dinner, Jess’s 2nd birthday. Delicious BBQ supper, “birthday ca ke Jess”. Ma’s revenge all round, 70% tequila. Diarmuid loses the power of speech & can only roar, but looks very happy. Steph not pissed, only a 5. Steph watch fails. Sam defeated at darts twice, by 2 different girls. Truck party with Norway & Leeds til 4am. Denford very much enjoyed the music from his tent nearby. Jess throws rocks. Robin’s 3.30am loo visit finds him slow dancing to the Carpenter’s instead.

Tembo – 17/10
Slow start for most to Masai Cultural Museum to learn about circumcision. Jase has a “hangover”. Camel rides, Masai dancing. Tom attempts to sell his sister and then becomes ‘Fashion & Terrorism Advisor to the Masai’. Rupert continues on the beers. Head out of Snake Park. Lunch stop at Moshi Airport. Nadine & Nicola visit their friend Hayden’s memorial, the reason for their visit to Africa. Delicious sandwiches with fresh bread. Arrive at Tembo (elephant) campsite in the shadow of the Usambara mountains in darkness. 5 people valiantly camp. Daniela does a thorough mosquito net investigation in her new role as ‘Mosquito Inspector’.

Dar es Salaam – 18/10
Wheels rolling at 6am. Stop at Chalinze for samosas, chipatis & cashew nuts. Experience the joys of Dar es Salaam traffic. Jase & Andy jump ship. Arrive at Mikadi Beach Campsite, paradise on the Indian Ocean. Upgrade to Bandas. The last supper with Denford and storytime with Yaya. Shots at the bar, drinking games with individual moves, Rupert develops epilepsy. Helen & Rupert refuse to snog like 10 year olds for losing the pool match. Sleep on the beach in a row with one mosquito net, eaten alive, retreat to tents.

Zanzibar (1) – 19/10
The last breakfast. Sad farewell to Denford for some. Foot ferry from peninsula, packed in shoulder to shoulder. Very hot walk to Zanzibar ferry. Wander through Stone Town. Helen meets the new folk. Wet, sticky tar resulting in flip flop massacre for Rupert & Maria. Nic & Nadine buy cook book in Swahili – useful. Sun downers at Africa House. Run out of beer. Fish market, Zanzibar Pizza, fish on skewers, sugar cane drink, Livingstone’s waterfront bar.

Zanzibar (2) – 20/10
Spice Tour with Ali T. Tom’s pathetic attempt to climb a coconut tree. Sam tries out a natural lipstick. Fresh fruits, pineapple, passion fruit, cashew nuts, cloves, cinammon, nutmeg, peppercorns. Lunch at the smartest house in the village. Hats, glasses, ties & necklaces from banana leaves. Ginger tea – Steph ready for “comfortable times”. Cockney rhyming slang lesson, frog & toad, dog & bone. Bus North to Nungwi. Swim in sea, skinny cats & kittens. Dinner on the beach. Sam attempts to teach Rupert to dance. Party at Chollo’s, upside down hammock swinging, high bar tables and motorbikes hanging from palm trees.

Zanzibar (3) – 21/10
Pile onto Dhow for trip to Mnemba Island. Snorkel & swim, sea snakes, black & white stripey fish, coral and sword fish. Tuna fish lunch on beach, shared with a million wasps. Sam & Tom attempt an acrobatic rolly polly show. Lobsters return to Nungwi, move out of Jambo Cockroach Brothers. Diarmuid & Alice go boutique darling. Fish BBQ on the beach, king fish, octopus, squid, prawns & spicey Zanzibar rice. New group party hard in Chollos after frisking at entry door on beach.

Zanzibar (4) – 22/10
Full English breakfast for some at the Z Hotel. Small group up early for diving. Kim sick in swell, fish food. Relaxing day for all. Lunch & farewell to Nic, Nadine & Maria at Paradise Restaurent (sic), prowns, ice creem & Rossemary pizza on offer. Powercuts on and off all day. Trip t-shirts arrive, Rupert’s small yellow doesn’t look too bad. Pool, beers, cocktails and one last Zanzibar sunset at Manji’s bar.

Dar es Salaam – 23/10
Minibus to Stonetown, vomit comet ferry back to Dar. Mayhem of taxis, sad farewell to the Turner family and Emma. Turner’s whisked away in luxury Toyota. Return to Mikadi Beach Campsite looking like a truck park. Sort bags before starting journey South. First Denford feast of BBQ chicken. Group introductions over dinner “Hi I’m Ken and I’m over the hill”, Mark admits he’s an alcoholic, Jase likes Long Island Ice Tea’s and sunset walks along the beach. Sheila pees on the beach twice, unaware of being observed by Masai guards.


IMPORTANT QUOTES:
Kim “You asked me to marry you”, Lance “Yeah, I had altitude sickness Kim”.
Tom “You see Rupert, you’re smart but you’re not witty, I’m not very smart, but I’m very witty”.
Overheard on the hot air balloon trip: American 1 “Oh my god, what is that? Is that a gazelle?” American 2 “No, it’s not a gazelle, it’s got 4 legs”.
Also overheard on the hot air balloon trip: American 1 “Wow, this is like being an astronaut”.